Triton in the Road

Left Right or Straight
I sit in front of a green light. Left, Right, or Straight is my choice
A three way fork sets before me, a triton in the road if you will
Each way is good, Each way is beneficial
Only one way can be chosen, at least at this juncture
They are equal, none is less or more travelled
None is more enticing than the others...
Or is one?
That right hand turn looks the same as the others,
But something is different, a cool breeze comes from there
A westerly wind bringing sweet ocean air
A calming, relaxed, pleasant sensation hits me
But just for a second. Will it last if I travel that way?
I guess there is only one way to find out.
Let's turn right.

Gomer am I

I can find you in the loneliest place
But usually I'm there when I'm hiding
Tying to run, trying not to seek your face
Staying far away as I can from abiding

But I am not my own I gave myself to you
My life is yours and everything it consists of
And I don't understand it 'cause when I run you stay true
When I return your arms are open full of love

How can I deny you? Why would I ever leave you?
But somehow I leave your house of love and return
Return to the streets of prostitution, the whore I am, nothings new
Back to the filth and grime, on the path of death, I never learn

As I wait for my next customer I sit on the bed
But who walks in? My master, my bridegroom, my love
Shame wells up inside me, terror, fear, and dread
What will he say? Will he rain down holy wrath from above?

How hurt he must be, I've betrayed him over and over again
I've taken His love and ignored it, even despised
As I sit in my shame and wait for Him to begin
I don't want to hear Him speak, I'd rather my own demise.

I looked up into His eyes expecting to find contempt and malice
But what I got was different, I could barely fathom
His eyes were sad, yes, but what was more was grace
He looked down upon me with understanding, love, and compassion

He gently lifted me from the bed as I sobbed in His chest
Then He whispered, "let's go home," but even then I started to whine
Why/How could you want me? Fearful of what might happen next
But he looked into my eyes and said, "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine."

Where?

Where am I?
Angst and emptiness.
How oh how did I reach such a place?
A place of such hopelessness
Where is this?
A place of frustration and discouragement
Away from everything I enjoy
Away from happiness and fulfillment
Was it I who ran here?
Was it I who was navigating?
Or was this where I was led?
But why all this postulating?
Who cares why, what do I do now?
Do I sit in the nothing?
Do I explore the nowhere?
Or do I push out towards the King?
I can only be filled by Him
So I press on and push forward
Nothing in this nowhere can help
So I seek His face, my reward
Only there will I find somewhere
This Earth is full of nowhere
There's nothings everywhere I look
But maybe, just maybe I dare
Dare to see this Earth as His Kingdom
Dare to live my life as a soldier
Dare to give up all for His sake
Dare to give my life to the hands of the molder
The sculptor of this reality
The author of the universe
The creator of life
Before I succumb to the curse
The curse mankind is under
Where death comes from sin
And life, true life is nowhere to be found
An existence where nobody can win
But whats this I see up ahead?
A road-sign labeled Mercy and Redemption
Turn here before nothingness takes over
Turn here, let this be your temptation
Be tempted to love Jesus
To live life you were created for
Live the only way you can feel whole
This is not superstition and lore
This is what's real
Here there is sustenance
Where Joy is supplied in plenty
Away from the insistent nothingness
So give in to faith, hope, and love
To God who desires you
Stop doing what you're doing
Let Him take you to somewhere new.

Loneliness

A dark hallway with many doors
Many ways out, but all are locked
Hope springs up each turn of the knob
Only to find the deadbolt solid from within
No escape is found
Running faster and farther to find a door
But it brings no change
locked, locked, locked
Stuck in the hallway, a proverbial purgatory
no place to sit, no place to rest
only walls and doors, depression and despair
Loneliness
There is no one else here
There is no key
There is no hope.

But what is that door there?
The frame outlined from light within
Something different, something new
What to do, what to do?
Do I allow myself to hope only for it to be shattered?
Do I walk away? Its like every door
I hold out my hand,
I grasp the knob and turn...

Parents

Blessed am I for the parents I have
Honesty and integrity are their bones
Love is their blood
Support and Goodwill, their muscles
Joy, their skin
Their spirit, Jesus
Forever reliable, always caring
A better Mom and Dad one is hard pressed to find.

Fear

There is only one Lord who deserves my praise
Although others try to entice its to Him my hands raise
The enemy might try to stop me
But my Lord has set me free
The enemy might show his face to instil fear
Fear does come but I don't care
My God says, "be courageous for I am here."
Through my fear I fight, stand firm
Not by my power but by His strong arm
I rest knowing I am His come what may
The enemy can do nothing to my eternity for with Jesus I stay
I stay strong, standing courageous
Not without fear but with a love that's outrageous
A love that conquers fear for my God is I AM
The I AM who I AM greater than any man
Greater than any being or fear thrown my way
I know who I serve nothing can make me sway
With Him I'm all in, I'm not cautious
For if our God is for us, who can be against us?

Nostalgia

Childhood days have come and gone
Responsibility in place of playing
But as I remember and sit alone
Fondess is my only feeling
I do not miss those times
However fun they may have been
Whats past is past and past gives way
For something new to begin
I don't desire to relive days of old
It is the now I try to enjoy
Live my life in CAPITALS and BOLD
Excitement and adventure to deploy
Now I stand a man of twenty-six
The future out there promising more
Responsibility, possibility, all the unknown
But the world at my fingertips to explore

The Gospel

I sit and ponder upon which is unattainable but which has been made attainable, completely out of reach yet perfectly made reachable. How does one gain such inaccessibility but by accepting the fact that it is unattainable. Denying yourself of the liberties of your slavery and enslaving yourself in the freedom of the inaccessible. This conundrum seems so complex yet is so simple. From the world's perspective this seems foolishness, illogical, and oxymoronic. Yet through spiritual lenses this is lovely, wonderful, and perfect.

False Reality

These thoughts came about after lying in bed for 2 hours without being able to sleep. Here is a sample of what goes on in my head during those times. It will be useful for one to have a basic understanding of Plato's 'Allegory of the Cave' to read the following post... If Plato is right, and I believe to some extent he is, this world is but a shadow of reality. What we experience is a false mimicry of what is true. If this in itself is true then what Paul says in Philippians 1 makes complete and utter sense. “I desire to depart and to be with Christ which is better by far.” Who would rather die than live? Someone who knows that this life is not all there is to offer. Someone who knows that this life is in a state of brokenness that will not be mended fully until death or Christ's return. This desire should be that of every Christian, yet we desire what this world has to offer, even though what this world has is only a false mimicry of reality. I used to think 'I want to experience marriage before I die.' How foolish! Marriage in this world is imperfect and fallen. It is only a shadow of Christ's marriage to His bride, the Church. So in Heaven we experience true, pure marriage, unadulterated by sinful people, but lived out by the Sinless One and the Forgiven. I used to think, 'I want a family before I die.' What truer family could there be than being united with the Heavenly Father face to face? A father whose love surpasses anything fathomable here on earth. Then also we get to experience eternity with our brothers and sisters in Christ, a family so large that it would be near impossible to count. Some might want to see the world before they die. If this world holds as much beauty as it does with its lush rainforests, breathtaking scenery, massive mountains, beautiful waterfalls, and captivating sunsets, how much more would the true reality hold? These beauties being but a shadow of what is real, what mind blowing creation is there in the presence of the Holy One? Now, this is not to say we should seek death, that would be folly. Even Paul knows better, “It is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.” We must stay here in order to advance the kingdom and guide others into the loving arms of Jesus. But we must not get caught up in this world, we must not get caught up in this life. We need to be Kingdom focused and know that there is something better, something greater in store, the true reality. The reality in which God dwells in, in my opinion, with our words could only be described as a physical form, but God's being is truly physical and what we perceive here on Earth as physical is but a false mimicry of that which is real. Now Jesus, I believe, has a physical form, yet his form is different than ours now. He has a heavenly, glorified body, one that is true form, ours being the false and fallen form. That said, in a sense, this life isn't real, what is real is God's country. We should live with this mindset. Much of what we face would seem more trivial. The kingdom would grow and we would live more selflessly... Just a thought.

Easter

It was the fruit of a tree that sin began,
It was death on a tree that caused the end
Of a separation that no one could mend
Except the Son of Man whom God did send.
God came to Earth clothed in humanity,
Lived to serve but some called insanity
To the words that he spoke, they were revolutionary,
They caused hearts to turn, they opened eyes to truly see
That God became man, and Jesus was He.
The Pharisees couldn't believe that this could be their messiah,
A humble man from Galilee, not a position any higher.
The life that Jesus lived is one we should exemplify,
The Gospel through our actions is how we can amplify
The name above all names for it is only because of His sacrifice
That we are able to live any of our lives.
For we were dead in our sins, not even able to breath,
Salvation was not an option, but Jesus went up on that tree,
Willingly He hung there, until He died for you and me.
You see, that cross was for us, that is what we deserve,
To hang there like a criminal, but salvation God did preserve
And He gives it freely to those who believe.
But even though Jesus died and there was no reprieve,
Death was not strong enough to hold Him to the grave,
In three days He came back to life, the road to salvation He paved.
The story of this weekend is the crux of our religion,
What we celebrate on Easter is the only path to get to heaven
Without it we're dead, no life, no freedom, no peace,
But with it, when God's gaze is upon us it's no longer our sin he sees
But His vision is full of Jesus, clean and spotless, no impurity,
Praise be to God that He allows us to share in His victory.
We have been freed from sin, free to love because He loves,
Free to serve because He served, free to live because HE LIVES!

My Dad's Retirement

I'm very proud to call, such a fine man my dad
I know the father you've been, is a gift that I've had
Your profession is not one of glamor, nor did it hold any fame
But it has been a profession, that I've been proud of all the same
I have always loved to say, that my father was a cop
It was something that my friends, could really never top
We never lived a flashy life, but you provided food and comfort
And when your kids stepped out of line, it was us you did exhort
A loving home, a healthy family, these are what we enjoyed
It was due to your selfless leading, these experiences were employed
You sit here tonight, with family and friends around
It's the eve of your retirement, and their support and love abound
You have worked so very hard, these past many years
You have now gotten to this place, and tonight there may be tears
But to me there lies a wonder, a wonder of your career
Much of it I'll never know, because your humility was sincere
I have never heard you brag, or boast at your success
I have only seen the benefits, on how your faithfulness has been blessed
You have always been a role model, whether in life, career, or deed
You raised your kids in love, and because of this we will succeed
You have been an officer of peace, and this is interesting to me
Because the bible speaks of peace, the Lord gives to those he set free
You my dad have been, a blessing from the Lord
You have helped give us a peaceful life, your family has been in accord
You're my pop, my dad, my father, my leader and my friend
To you this night we'll honor but, it's a new beginning, not the end.

Christmas to Me

Another Christmas has come and gone. I loved it... I always love it. I love it because I take the advice of the great sage philosopher, Charlie Brown, who said, “I won't let commercialism ruin my Christmas!” Of course the presents are nice and I love both the giving and receiving of them, however, Christmas is not about gifts. This is a wonderful lesson that my parents instilled in me and my siblings for years. We believed in Santa while growing up, and we received many gifts from my parents, but they never went overboard with them. We received well thought out gifts and it never meant the dollar sign behind it. I grew up in a very wealthy city. I have had friends who received a snowboard, snow gear, and a computer all in one christmas. Some of my friend's parents spent upwards of $1000 on each kid. My parents never came close to spending that. Did I ever feel left out or less cared for? I should say not! If anything my parents replaced the monetary value of a present with the invaluable gift of a loving and caring home, loving and caring parents, warmth and tradition, fun and comfort, closeness and family. But you see, these gifts have their root in the true meaning and spirit of christmas.

I watched many Christmas movies this year, five versions of A Christmas Carol, movies about Rudolf and Santa, and movies about unbelief and faith. It doesn't matter if it is a Christian film or not, the moral behind every Christmas film has to do with the true meaning of Christmas, the true reason for Christmas – Jesus. I don't care about the controversy behind Christmas actually having been a pagan holiday that the Christians borrowed, it doesn't negate the fact of why we celebrate it today. I don't care what day we celebrate Christmas, Ebenezer Scrooge said it the best when he vowed “to keep Christmas all the days of the year.” Christmas isn't a single day, it is only a reminder for what happened one night over 2000 years ago. The day that God, the Lord of the universe, the All Powerful Creator, the Uncreated, made himself nothing. He inserted himself into His creation as part of His creation. The day that God entered the world, mortal. And why did He do this? So that He, the great Father, could make a way to have a relationship with His children who had fallen away from Him. He showed the greatest act of selflessness to repair His family. What does it take to believe in such a story? Faith. What does the repairing of the family promote amongst believers? Friendship. Now think about almost every moral in Christmas movies. Many movies do not say Jesus is the reason for Christmas, for me, I don't mind... Because every Christmas movie I watched screamed his name with the foundations He set when He came to this world. Love, Faith, Selflessness, Family, and Friends. To me, that is what Christmas is all about.

Fall Colors

As the summer fades to fall the trees burn with passion,
Their joy for the upcoming season burst forth in a firey blaze,
Vibrant flames of red, yellow, and orange adorn the quivering limbs,
Knowing they will soon be naked they put on their finest garment,
Their love for fall is proven by their beauty.

Holy Holy Holy

Can you imagine what that sight must be like? Angels at all times surrounding the God of the universe calling out “Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty.” Can you see them? The beautiful, terrifying beings surrounding the One who can not be seen with earthly eyes lest they should die. Oh how envious I am standing here on Earth. Having such profound desire to be in that place of eternity to scream out “Holy Holy Holy” to the God who Loves. The only God who lives yet experienced death. My soul yearns for nothing more but to stand in His presence and exclaim His holiness along with the angelic creatures. How tireless must that job be. How could one do anything but cry out “Holy” in the presence of such magnificence? “Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty!”

Words Escape Me

The jumbled mess of endless speech rattling about my head makes it quite difficult to put anything on paper. Sitting then with no outlet of communicative abilities, I feel, causes my brain to begin to quietly and ever so slowly wind down to a sputter. But where and how can release be found? In order to order the mess of speech the words must first be directed at something worthy of such attention and focus. But what? Not a What but a Who. Ah there is the answer. Whom shall the words be written about?

The Creature

Close your eyes, now peer deep, deep into the darkness. Do you see it? For some you , you see the creature right away staring right back at you. The second you close your eyes the creature is there, waiting for you, preying on you. You turn and it pounces, and then you're gone. It devours many of you quickly, but from me, it flees. I invite you to join me on my nightly expedition I take in search of this elusive creature. I lie down and close my eyes. Black. Nothing. Emptiness... What was that? Did you see it? Oh such a quick glimpse of that escaping monster, but it was just a glimpse. Now, there is no more nothingness, there is solid ground underfoot. The hunt begins. This is no ordinary hunt, no firearms or weapons of any kind, only bait. For that bait, I offer myself. Yes I desire to draw the creature in by using myself as the lure. Oddly enough the goal of this expedition is to be eaten. However strange that may sound, it is the truth, for you see, this creature in which I hunt is called 'Sleep'. Most nights I seem to repulse the creature. I must wait until it is so hungry that is has no choice but to survive on my measly bones. Unfortunately, the creature does not like the flavor of me. Sometimes I cover myself in Ambien or Melatonin which entices this beast's hunger so that it would feast upon me quickly. The pills are like seasonings it can hardly resist. Lets start the hunt shall we? No seasonings tonight so we must be sneaky in order to capture the creature. The search always begins in the same place. It seems to be a kind of a cave with echoing walls. At all times these walls are bouncing off thoughts and ideas being dreamed up. If we are not careful we may get stuck in here for hours. Its too loud in here so the creature hides from this place. I'll teach you a secret to get out. All the really good thoughts or ideas cannot stay in the cave, they must break out to the storage area. All you have to do is wait for a good one and grab on. There's one now, grab it! The flight through the cave was not so bad, was it? Weird place we're in now though huh? All those good thoughts and ideas have to come here to be sorted. Its kind of like a filing shelf in a mail room. Rows and rows and columns and columns of cubby boxes. Each thought and idea get neatly sorted in theses cubbies for quick reference or decision making. There are different sections for different topics or things or people. The cave is quite chaotic, but here, here is organized. But still no creature to be found... Lets check up, yes up, look up. This is one of my favorite things here. Look at all the cogs, wheels, sprockets, cranks all of different sizes. Some massive, some miniscule. All intertwined and complex each affecting one another. The closest I can come to explaining this is like the inner workings of a clock, so many sprockets turning dials that all read a different aspect of time yet all speaking of the same time. One sprocket affects the year, another the month, another the day, another the hour, another the minute, another the second. All saying different things yet all saying the same thing. All these gears in here though are moving too fast, they need to be slowed down. Turn that dial over there for me would you? Its over on that control board. Thank you. Ah, now things are starting to slow down. The creature will be easier to find. I have a feeling where it might be tonight. Lets go over to the database archive. Another strange room huh? A room of just filing cabinet after filing cabinet. Open one up... Ha! That one is from my 11th birthday party. Me and three friends went ice skating. Oh look, there's Matt, there's Chad, and even Kris, I almost forgot about him! As you might have guessed these files are full of my memories. Each file contains a different memory, sometimes good, sometimes bad. Many times when I visit this room I open a random file and relive a near forgotten experience. When I'm lucky the creature will sneak up on me while I'm searching through the files. It's in here somewhere I know it... over to the left do you see it? Slowly, look slowly. Don't let it know you see it. Act normal. OK, it looks like we might have finished the hunt. Wait here while I nonchalantly stroll over there. Maybe, just maybe, It'll be hungry enough.
As I neared the creature I was swallowed in a single bite. Sweet, Blissful sleep overcame me, but it was an adventure to get there. I appreciated you accompanying me on my quest for the creature. And I do hope that you are much more appetizing to the beast than I am.

Night Time

Oh Night Time you fiendish brute. You plague me with your silence and taunt me with your darkness. You force me to look upon the emptiness that surrounds me. You cause me to simmer in my mind the thoughts of past and the ideas of could be. Why must you scream your silence in my face, Night Time? With your shouts of nothing I can focus on none else. Trying to sort through the ruminations, when will there be order? When will there be structure? Oh Night Time just go away, leave me for the morning. Allow the morning to devour me in warm light and cheerful noise, away from your incessant quietude. Be gone Night Time. Be gone.

Below Freezing

Its 29 degrees, this makes me smile. My grin from side to side, its nearly a mile. Even though snow will not come my way, the cold will comfort me here today. For some this temperature makes their teeth chatter, not me, It warms my heart as it goes pitter patter. The comfort the cold brings is hard to explain, I love it come sleet, snow, or rain. Lying in bed with big thick covers, its so cozy like newlywed lovers. Rain here tells me snow in the mountains, snow there means fun time with friends. No matter whats going on be it hardship, hurt, or trial. All I know is that the cold will always make me smile.

The Joy of Friends

Friends make all the difference. The laughter they bring warms the chilly heart. The interaction they bring brightens the darkest time. Even while slowly sinking in the quicksand of finals and papers of school, Friends are the rope to keep your head above ground. The joy Friends bring can cure many an ailment. God seems to use Friends in astounding ways. He likes to bring Friends into our lives at perfect times. What makes Friendship so amazing? I'm not sure. All I know is Friends make all the difference.t

Crazy Worship

Have you ever watched people worship? They sway back and forth, lift their hands, say weird things, and sing to an invisible God. How odd a picture. Singing about blood and farm animals and eternity and devotion. Take a step back and watch the crazy people sing to this invisible God they have never seen before. Take a step back and drink in that picture. Everyone looks flat out strange. It doesn't make sense. Now take a step forward and immerse yourself in that worship. Feel the words they sing to their God. Feel their love and devotion and the crazy amounts of Faith it takes to be so careless with how they look. They do not care what people are thinking about them. They do not care that they look crazy... honestly, they should want to look crazy. Crazy is sold out for God, crazy is an uncontrollable love for the One who saves. Crazy is what worship is. It is not sane, stoic, and straight edged. That is not God. God is wild and unpredictable. How is it that we can worship a wild God without looking crazy, it just would not be right. We NEED to be crazy, we NEED to look weird, because we are not normal. We are Christians hopelessly in love and sold out in devotion for our God, for Jesus. Be crazy, be strange, be in worship of the One who deserves for you to show untamed love to Him. Be wildly and carelessly in love with Jesus.